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Festive press release tosh: York Council holds ‘ideas sandpit’

Posted by Axegrinder on 22 December 2011 at 12:30
Tags: Uncategorized

‘Tis the season for PRs to send out any old tosh - and sometimes even get it into print.

This press release has just landed in Axegrinder’s in-box from the University of York and really needs no further parody. Any further festive contributions are welcome:

The University of York, City of York Council chiefs and representatives from Safer York Partnership have joined forces to tackle alcohol related disorder in York.

Key figures from each of the organisations got together for an ‘ideas sandpit’ to develop innovative solutions to the issues associated with alcohol disorder. The ideas sandpit – essentially a brain storming exercise – was led by Professor Kiran Fernandes, of the University’s York Management School, who was part of a team that modelled gun crime in Manchester and tested approaches that could be used by police to significantly reduce the number of incidents. (more…)

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Axegrinder at Leveson: Former editor Phil Hall celebrates the copy-approval culture

Posted by Axegrinder on 6 October 2011 at 18:36
Tags: Uncategorized

Axegrinder had to pick his jaw up off the floor while listening to former News of the World editor Phil Hall’s words of advice to the opening seminar of the Leveson Inquiry into phone-hacking.

Speaking in the Last Chance Saloon Room of the QEII Conference centre in Westminster, PR man Hall said: (more…)

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Hello Deep Throat - can you call back please, advertising are having their weekly prize-giving

Posted by Axegrinder on 27 September 2011 at 09:02
Tags: Uncategorized

There are grumblings of revolt at the Leicester Mercury where journalists and the commercial team have now reportedly been squeezed on to one floor in a bid to save money.

Fair enough, we all have to tighten our belts in this age of austerity. But journalists have apparently drawn the line at plans to build a stage so that ad staff can hold their weekly prize-giving.

Said Axegrinder’s mole at the Mercury: “Editorial have complained about this for a long time. They were often loud and disruptive when they were in their own department. It reached what we thought was a nadir when they started having these ceremonies in fancy dress. Now there is to be a stage.” (more…)

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Police PR department explains how up is down when it comes to crime figures

Posted by Axegrinder on 15 July 2011 at 09:53
Tags: Uncategorized

Who says that the millions police forces spend on PR is a waste of money?

Axegrinder has been sent this hilarious press release sent out from North Yorkshire Police force’s answer to the Ministry of Truth.

Stop the presses, apparently crime has gone down in the county. Rejoice, you might think - until you get to the fifth par when you find out that crime has actually gone up. I’ve heard about dropped intros but this is ridiculous.

North Yorkshire Police is making great strides to clamp down on crime.

The force’s latest performance figures show a 6.6% reduction between April and June 2011 compared to the previous year.

This period - the first quarter of the current financial year - has seen 741 fewer crimes recorded than this time last year (10,401 against 11,150 crime). Detections have also increased by 3.7% to a total of 33.5%.

This significant impact is in direct response to a small but concerning increase in overall crime last year in North Yorkshire and the City of York.

Published today (Thursday 14 July 2011), the Home Office’s Annual Crime Statistics 2010/11 for England and Wales outlines a 0.6% increase in crime in the county. This equates to 267 more crimes in comparison to the previous year - from 42,196 to 42,464.

This increase was largely down to higher levels of crime in January, February and March 2011 compared to the previous year. North Yorkshire Police also saw a rise in reports of historical serious sexual offences which is a positive indicator in victim confidence in the police, as well as proactive police work to target drugs offences, most noticeably in Selby with the success of Operation Orate which saw a series of raids on cannabis farms and a 55% increase in offences in the district. In addition there were 137 separate fraud crimes committed by a company director from York.

However, the corresponding British Crime Survey figures that have also been released today are extremely positive for North Yorkshire Police, with only 6.4% of the public perceiving a high level of anti-social behaviour - the lowest level in England.

Public confidence in the force and local councils to tackle crime and anti-social behaviour has also increased by almost 6% over the past year, to a total of 55.9%.

The stand alone confidence measure in North Yorkshire Police has also increased to 61.5% from 57.9%.

Temporary Deputy Chief Constable Tim Madgwick said: “This was the first year-on-year rise in recorded overall crime since 2003/04, and whilst this is ultimately a disappointing position, it must be taken within context of a long term reduction which has seen 20,000 fewer offences committed in North Yorkshire and the City of York over the last six years.

“Despite the rise, it is important to emphasise that the North Yorkshire policing area remains the fourth safest and lowest crime area in England and Wales. The results of the British Crime Survey are also a welcome indication of the satisfaction people have in the service we deliver.”

Mr Madgwick added: “Nevertheless, we have taken some very firm action in response to the small spike in crime and I am very satisfied to report that it is now on a downward trend once more.

“A particular success has been our dedicated burglary reduction campaign Operation Haven, which is having a great impact on reducing offences and promoting key crime prevention messages to members of our communities.

“It is this type of proactive and intelligence-led policing activity, together with strong partnership working and engagement with the very people we serve, that will help to maintain the high quality of life in North Yorkshire and the City of York.”

Bill Baugh, Vice Chairman of North Yorkshire Police Authority, said: “The Authority looked at the full year’s data at its AGM in June and it was disappointing to see the slight rise at the end of the last financial year.  Crucially though, the more recent results have shown encouraging downward trends that we are more used to in recent years.

“We are not complacent though and in those more challenging crime categories, particularly burglaries, violence and theft, the Police Authority has requested further analysis of the issues and tactics to be presented at the next Performance and Scrutiny Board meeting at the end of August so that we can be sure that the service is doing all that it can, on its own and with partners, to sustain the good results seen in the last three months for the rest of the year.”

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Headline of the week: Body found in cemetery

Posted by Axegrinder on 20 May 2011 at 11:36
Tags: Uncategorized

Unfortunate headline of the week comes from the website of Archant weekly Cambridge First.

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Kate Middleton jelly bean story prompts amusing Independent prank url

Posted by Axegrinder on 19 April 2011 at 10:38
Tags: The Independent, Uncategorized, sub-editors

Newsdesk demands for ever more stories about Kate Middleton and the Royal Wedding may be pushing hacks to breaking point.

As evidence, I cite this piece in The Independent from Monday about a jellybean resembling Kate Middleton which is being sold on Ebay.

Check out the url. Was it penned by whichever online news functionary was tasked with following up the story from the Telegraph in pursuit of a cheap traffic boost? Or is it the work of some outside prankster?

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/utter-PR-fiction-but-people-love-this-shit-so-fuck-it-lets-just-print-it-2269573.html

11.20am update: I see from comments below that - for reasons that are far beyond me - this fun url probably didn’t come from inside the Independent. Although it does come up when you do a search for ‘jelly bean’ on the Independent website. Any ho, it makes a good point.

Update#2: SEO specialist Malcolm Coles has explained more about all this. Apparently  you can change their urls to anything you want provided you keep in the “unique identifier number”.

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Greenslade misfires with attack on Sun coverage over axing of sexist Sky Sports duo

Posted by Axegrinder on 25 January 2011 at 13:35
Tags: Uncategorized

Guardian media commentator Roy Greenslade gave it to The Sun with both barrels this morning  over its “failure” to run the news that Sky sports pundits Richard Keys and Andy Gray had been axed in a row over off-air sexist comments.

“…the editor, Dominic Mohan, got it hopelessly wrong. By ignoring the story, he tends to prove the theory that Murdoch’s papers dance to Murdoch’s tune.”

Axegrinder understands that there was much hilarity at Wapping and perplexed hacks speculated that Roy might have been reading an Irish edition of The Sun which was missing the Sky Sports tale. Sun readers will know that the story was in fact splashed across pages one, four and five of today’s paper.

Roy’s misfiring blog post disappeared shortly after the mishap was pointed out. But it has not disappeared from the internet completely, you can see a version of it here.

UPDATE: Roy has now published a fulsome mea culpa on his blog apologising unreservedly to Sun editor Mohan for the mishap.

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Axegrinder reports from inside last night’s Wapping Christmas bash

Posted by Axegrinder on 16 December 2010 at 09:28
Tags: Uncategorized

Word reaches me from last night’s News International Christmas party where James Murdoch frolicked with Page Three Girls as a disused building at the old Wapping print plant was transformed into a booze-fuelled winter wonderland. Trebles all round indeed.

Here’s a report from my fly-on-the-wall:

“News International’s ‘Wapping’ Christmas bash out-did itself last night with even more celebrity appearances and extravagance than last year. Hundreds of hacks packed out the giant lit-up dance floor until the wee hours and gorged their way through the free food and decadent cocktails.

“Boy band, Westlife and previous X Factor winner, Shane Ward were the surprise performances of the evening. They were introduced by Britain’s favourite voice-over artist, Peter Dickson, the voice of E4 and X Factor.

“A throng of page three girls, who had employees posing and taking photographs with them all evening. Other ‘celeb’ appearances included Rupert Murdoch’s son, James (the boss) and X Factor contestant, Katie Waissel.

“Like last year, the event was held in the disused van way at Wapping, where the company’s papers used to be loaded onto trucks for distribution from the now defunct print works. And again each newspaper had its own themed area.

“The Sun had a North African theme, the highlight of which was a Moroccan mini-kitchen where a curry was made in front of you and served - aptly - inside a rolled up sheet of newspaper. The News of the World was the busiest area - the boozer if you like - with cocktails on tap as well as an endless supply of burgers and chips.

“The Sunday Times and The Times areas were both a little more demure, with a grand piano, seafood bar and velvet coaches. And not to forget the dancing Santa’s elf, stilt-artists and larger-than-life ‘ugly sisters’ who were hired to dish out stick-on beauty spots to guests and taunt them for their outfits.

“There were certainly no expenses spared for Murdoch’s minions this year, the event must have cost hundreds of thousands. Elaborately costumed waiters and waitresses were on hand with a replacement drink before you realised you had finished your last….some sore heads all around this morning!”

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Audio: It was only a matter of time…James Naughtie gets Jeremy Hunt’s name very wrong

Posted by Axegrinder on 6 December 2010 at 09:23
Tags: Uncategorized

It was only a matter of time before someone did this.

Axegrinder’s sympathies go out to Today programme presenter James Naughtie who got culture secretary Jeremy Hunt’s name very wrong this morning.

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‘New car diddy kiddy dumb daddy dough’ is headline of the year frontrunner

Posted by Axegrinder on 9 August 2010 at 10:08
Tags: Headline of the month, Uncategorized

A clear frontrunner has emerged in Axegrinder’s headline of the year competition.

It’s The Sun’s awesome headline from February this year about the news that Rap star P. Diddy had blown £220,000 on a luxury car for his teenage son - who did not even have his driving licence.

NEW CAR DIDDY KIDDY DUMB DADDY DOUGH

It has garnered more than 60 of the 100 votes cast so far.

Unfortunately, the utterly crap piece of software Axegrinder used to collate the votes so far - Polldaddy - only lets me collect 100 votes, and we have already exceeded that limit.

So I’m re-opening the voting again with a new poll widget, this time provided by Blogpoll.com

Don’t worry if you have voted already, you’re vote will be added to the new tally.

Here are the headline of the month stories and headlines from the last year, scroll to the bottom to cast your vote.

Remember to cast your vote wisely, bearing in mind that the author of the winning headline will receive a weekend at the luxury lodge on the Isle of Jura where George Orwell wrote 1984 - courtesy of our sponsors Jura single malt whisky.

September

Thelondonpaper

Actress Rachael Weisz wins rave reviews for her performance in A Streetcar Named Desire at the Donmar Warehouse.

WEISZ AFTER THE EVENT

October

Metro

A farmer has been given £500,000 to clean up the country air turning pig muck into electricity.

AND THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO SPARK IT

November

The Sun

BNP activists round on BNP leader Nick Griffin after he puts in a lacklustre apperance on Question Time

DOWNFALL

December

Wembley and Kingsbury Times.

A shop owner in Kingsbury has been fined for selling fake Durex condoms.

JOHNNY ROTTEN.

January

The New Scientist

A new anklet device used in America can alert the authorities if alcohol-related offenders have breached bail conditions banning them from drinking.

THE ELECTRONIC FINK THAT WILL SQUEAL IF YOU DRINK

February

The Sun

Rap star P. Diddy has blown £220,000 on a luxury car for his teenage son - who does not even have his driving licence.

NEW CAR DIDDY KIDDY DUMB DADDY DOUGH

March

First Great Western Trains passenger magazine

Veteran tennis players to battle it out at a Masters Tennis competition

OLD BOYS’ NET WORK

April

Daily Mirror

Council chiefs and police have cut down 6,000 trees at beauty spot in order to stop couples having sex in the woods.

COPSE AND DOGGERS

May

The Coventry Telegraph

A thief conned a pensioner out of his savings before taking him out for a pub lunch.

SCUM DINE WITH ME

June

Channel 4 News

The UK political situation is finely balanced on 7 May after the general election delivers a hung parliament.

HUNG DRAWN AND COURTED

July

Daily Star

TV favourite Declan Donnelly, of Ant and Dec fame, apparently has a hair-raising talent for growing back his thinning head of hair.

IT’S ALL STRANDS ON DECK

August

Daily Star

Jeremy Clarkson was warned he could be physically attacked after he claimed on Top Gear that Muslim women wear kinky underwear under their burkas.

TOP FEAR

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