Posted by
Grey Cardigan
on 3 June 2009 at 19:46
Tags: Evening Beast
IN WHAT was thought to be the last ever issue of Press Gazette (again), The Grey Cardigan found himself elevated to the post of Editor of the Evening Beast.
But we’re back (again), sharp-eyed and smiling, so whither the old boy? Is a Bobby Ewing shower scene from Dallas called for to restore the curmudgeon to his rightful place downtable? Hell, no. He’s been around long enough to deserve his chance of glory. Bring it on.
NEW Editors always get a honeymoon period of sorts. The weary staff smile sweetly at your glib platitudes about proper investigations, proper campaigns, and getting reporters off the phones, off the diary and out of the newsroom. Management tolerates modest expenditure, wanting to be seen as keen to support their new man, and wary of being embarrassed by a premature falling-out.
As part of my deal with our MD, the Eminence Grease, I have been granted an assistant editor, but not a deputy editor. (I asked him what the difference was and he replied: “Five grand and 500cc.”) This leaves me with the problem of Alistair, the deputy editor appointed by dear Crystal Tits.
I call him in from his glass cubicle. He knows what’s coming but it’s still like drowning a doe-eyed puppy.
On the way out of the building I realise that this is the first time I have actually sacked anyone. I’ve provided the ammunition plenty of times before, but never had to pull the trigger myself. This calls for a swift one in The Shivering Whippet.
What a strange reception. The place falls silent like a Wild West saloon when the gunslinger enters and I’m left to stand at the bar on my own. Eventually Mungo, the peripatetic Glaswegian sub who keeps a house brick in his desk drawer “just in case”, sidles over.
“So Grey,” he mutters. “You’ve taken the 30 pieces of silver?” His disapproval is apparent.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that in these straitened times, it was actually only 23 pieces…
To find out why Tanya ‘Bigfoot’ Gold could well be so bad that she’s actually good, and to read the worst press release of the month, you’ll have to subscribe to the print mag. See the new, more affordable, offer on this site.
